If you have ever made conversation with someone you don’t know very well, then you are fully aware of the palpable awkwardness that inevitably ensues when you try to find some common ground to discuss. Oftentimes, the topic of conversation predictably drifts to weather. Usually, there are uncomfortable pauses.
Let’s be real: when it comes to making inane chitchat at parties full of strangers, or catching up with old high school classmates that we haven’t seen in years, we’re all a little uneven — some more than others.
For those among us who would rather stay inside all evening than combat hordes of small talk at a large party or bar, then these tweets are for you. (And yes, I assume that you’re reading this on your phone while avoiding socializing right now.)
me attempting to make small talk literally anywhere pic.twitter.com/pvmfmh8qeS
— jeff in real life (@thecultureofme) February 26, 2017
small talk is like the ad that plays before the video you actually wanna watch
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 24, 2016
Maybe the key to small talk is to say exactly what you’re up to: “Not much! Typing words into a website and hoping strangers validate me!”
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) May 7, 2016
[making small talk with my friend Alex’s mom]
ME: “So how long have you known Alex?”
— Brandon Scott Wolf (@BrandonEsWolf) February 6, 2016
small talk requires 1000% more energy than making out
— so sad today (@sosadtoday) March 6, 2017
I do the mannequin challenge every time a stranger knocks on my front door.
— G (@Angrytrashman) November 23, 2016
In retrospect, “so I guess we would all look the same if we were made into sausage” was probably weird small talk for a funeral.
— Chez McCorvey (@CelebrityChez) December 10, 2015
Pal: “on your date, ask her about herself. Oh! And girls love a guy into animals”
Me: “how much do you weigh? about as much as baby cow?”
— unanimated corpse (@davidkenny100) September 20, 2016
[making small talk at work]
What do you think about abortion?
— moody monday (@mdob11) November 22, 2016
*Somebody from high school strolls by at the grocery store*
Me, a loather of small talk: pic.twitter.com/9KaGYXGYQJ
— Bobby Box (@bobbyboxington) March 7, 2017
I still don’t understand why “what’s wrong with you?” isn’t acceptable small talk
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 10, 2014
“So how about that gorilla huh?”-Someone who doesn’t know how to make small talk. It’s me. I don’t. I said that today. What’s wrong with me?
— Megan Kelly Dunn (@megankcomedy) June 3, 2016
when your parents make you call to make your own appointments pic.twitter.com/0C4nSOU4tm
— beyoncé reactions (@beyoncereaction) October 13, 2015
I always feel like a hostage negotiator whenever someone starts particularly vapid small talk with me: “listen, you don’t have to do this.”
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 6, 2016
Please don’t ask me about the weather. My father was killed by small talk.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 22, 2015
The most conflicted I could possibly be is if small talk burned calories.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) April 10, 2015
DIET TIP: Have someone you don’t want to make small talk with stand in the kitchen.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) May 16, 2014
Every time my dog stops to play with another dog, I make small-talk with the owner by asking if they killed JonBenet. (You never know!)
— Chris Kelly (@imchriskelly) September 15, 2014