“The skills couples need to keep intimacy alive in a long-term relationship aren’t obvious because people don’t talk about them,” says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist and author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage.

“Most couples need to lower their expectations of romance and glamour and raise the level of fun they have together,” she says. This means having regular dates and check-in talks, plus taking time to enjoy activities together.

“Successful couples make plans to try new things together, go out, have fun, laugh, and play,” adds Marni Feuerman, a marriage expert in Boca Raton, Florida. “They know that novelty breathes positive energy into a relationship.”

Related: 10 Little Things Connected Couples Do