‘Family Guy’ Holds A Mirror Up To ‘Miserable’ Taylor Swift

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Yes, Family Guy is still on the air. Yes, they’re still making mildly funny pop culture jokes, no matter how late and cliche. Case in point, Sunday night’s episode in which Seth MacFarlane and the gang tackled Taylor Swift seemingly making a career out of writing heartbreak songs and bashing ex-boyfriends after relationships have gone sour. Calvin Ha– wait, not yet. But definitely John Mayer, Jake Gyllenhaal, Harry Styles, Joe Jonas, Taylor Lau– I don’t have all day to name her exes so let’s just move it along.

On the episode titled, “Chris Has Got a Date, Date, Date, Date, Date,” Chris Griffin records a video asking Taylor Swift to be his homecoming dance date. The idea was all Stewie’s, who plays the part of the quintessential Taylor Swift fan. He calls her queen and and literally falls to the ground from just thinking about Tay Tay. Pretty much like your typical Swiftie. True enough, the video gets to Taylor and she accepts Chris’ homecoming proposal because “she’s a sweetheart and very interactive with her fans,” as Stewie notes.

The pair have an amazing time at homecoming as they dance all offbeat and weird like Elaine Benes, or “an unattended fire hose.” Their night ends with a kiss underneath a lamppost at the park. Nothing horrible at all. The next morning, Chris is seen creating a scrapbook of all Taylor’s favorite things, including a picture of Kayne West with his mouth shut. Chris is deep in his feelings for Taylor, but his heart gets crushed when Taylor releases “The Boy In The Giant Tux.”

Taylor recreates homecoming for the song’s video and makes the dance out to be a complete disaster.

Cause I know you’re just blubber in a dress shirt
He licked his armpit, then ate all my dinner and desert
Chris Griffin is a pig in every way
Blubber, blubber, blubber, oh,
Blubber blubber, blubber oh,

When confronted, Taylor explains to Chris that this sort of thing is her thing. “I always do this,” she confesses. “I ruin relationships with nice guys and John Mayer just so I can write songs about heartbreak and moving on.” A remorseful Taylor does try to make it up to Chris by writing a positive song about him at one of her concerts, but that ends with fans booing her off the stage. Bottles and all. Apparently, Swifties prefer Taylor Swift more miserable than a dad at one of her concerts.

The plot ends with Chris giving Taylor ammo to continue performing her “The Boy In The GIant Tux” song after realizing nobody cares about a happy Taylor.

Can’t wait for the one about Adele a couple of years from now!

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